Running for Queen, a few tips.
A Rutabaga Queen is an indefinable force of nature. Each Rutabaga Queen forges her/his/its own path to the crown. The first Rutabaga Queen was spontaneously self-declared. As such, we like to keep things ambiguous and open to interpretation. That being said, we're rooting for you! So, if you're going to run for Rutabaga Queen, here are some clues that will take you far:
PLEASE have fun. It is in the official rules of the race, after all. You should enjoy your campaign at least as much as we do!
PLEASE remember we are here to answer all your questions, just ask!
PLEASE impress us with your creativity, not your cash. Your ability to spend money on costumes and gifts may be royal, but you can't buy this crown. We do appreciate it when candidates show us love and get to know us beforehand, just don't let your bribes outshine you. The contest starts and ends at the Ball. Any favors, gifts or parties you may lavish upon the Queens before the Ball will be received and enjoyed as tokens of your affection.
PLEASE put your name on the bribes you give us! These are your marketing materials, after all, wouldn't you like us to know where your clever token came from?
PLEASE when choosing your Rutabaga Stage Name, remember that you do not yet have a Royal Title - unless you do. Many of our contestants, in their enthusiasm, refer to themselves as Princess or Queen whilst competing for the crown. We appreciate the positive attitude, but the fact is when you have a Royal Title, we will make sure you KNOW IT!
PLEASE feel free to come to us and ask us questions. We will keep our answers as vague as possible, but we will offer guidance, honest!
PLEASE know that you will be judged fairly. It's a small community, so we have been in the position of judging our friends and loved ones many times. When we squeeze into that little judging room, we are there to pick the very best Queen, nothing more or less. So make us proud!
PLEASE remember to breathe. We recommend you take a bubble bath the day of the Ball.
PLEASE remember to turn in your application. Yes, we know that Kinetics has a rich and honored tradition of "seeing the beauty in the last minute effort," but we would really, really like to have your application by May 1, it helps us plan a better ball and it makes us happy. You do want us to be happy, don't you?
GOOD LUCK! See you at the Ball!
Don't forget to look at The Lowdown.
